dirty, dirty little girl.

Avisa. God help her. Actually, God help ME. Here's the story, in all its nasty, glorious detail.

I put Avisa in the boys' room and asked them to keep the door closed while she played in there because I was going to the basement to do laundry. Ario came to the basement with me for a few minutes, but then he went upstairs to keep an eye on the kids.

I was downstairs for maybe a good five to ten minutes...come upstairs and here Ario..."HELP please."
I thought Avisa had had an assplosion and he needed help getting her clean.

No.

Avisa had come out of the boys' room, found her way to the trash in the bathroom, taken out a shitty diaper, and proceeded to RUB it all over the floor. Ario initially thought she had just gotten in on her hands, but when she started walking around in her feety pajamas, he noticed a trail of shit-prints. And the whole time, she was so damn happy! Dirty!

So I busted out my Costco-sized Clorox bleach and cleaned the floor. I opened the window because my eyes were starting to water, but atleast the floor was sterile. Then I threw out her pajamas, cleaned Avisa, washed the tub, took a shower, and thought it was a done deal.

Nope.

Twenty minutes later, Avisa runs toward Ario, arms outstretched, and Ario says "I think she pooped, I smell crap." But no poopie in the diaper. So we sniff her body...turns out it's her HANDS. So I wash them, dry them, clip her nails, wash them again, wash them AGAIN (with scented Bath and Body Works soap)...still has the smell of shit. The poo had definitely seeped into her pores and was lurking somewhere beneath her epidermis. Finally, I got out my foot scrub, scrubbed her little hands and at last, my little girl no longer smelled like shit.

One would think that would be the end of Avisa and bathroom stories.

But...Nope.

So we're at a friend's house a few nights later and the kids are playing and Avisa is just walking around. About 5 minutes pass, and I ask Ario where Avisa is. He doesn't see her. So I just start looking...basement door: closed. Stairway: gate closed. Family room, dining room, living room, foyer, kitchen...all empty. Bathroom door: closed. So I go back and I say "Dude, seriously, where'd she go?" And then for whatever reason, it dawns on me to check the bathroom. Even though the door was closed.

And there she was, happy as a clam, elbow deep in the toilet, splashing water around like she was on some ride at Magic effin' Mountain. Did I already mention she's a dirty, dirty girl?

I'm not sure if it's the fact the she loves the toilet that bothers me...or the fact that she's so damn happy playing with shit-related things. Ario better step up his daddy game and keep her off the damn pole.