the boy can EAT.

niek loves his burger and steaks, which definitely makes him his daddy's son. but he also loves his cereal. which means he basically loves food, no matter what kind. here's a video of him eating his prized morning treat, honey nut cheerios. of note: his mad furrow-browed concentration skillzzzzz.

dirty, dirty little girl.

Avisa. God help her. Actually, God help ME. Here's the story, in all its nasty, glorious detail.

I put Avisa in the boys' room and asked them to keep the door closed while she played in there because I was going to the basement to do laundry. Ario came to the basement with me for a few minutes, but then he went upstairs to keep an eye on the kids.

I was downstairs for maybe a good five to ten minutes...come upstairs and here Ario..."HELP please."
I thought Avisa had had an assplosion and he needed help getting her clean.

No.

Avisa had come out of the boys' room, found her way to the trash in the bathroom, taken out a shitty diaper, and proceeded to RUB it all over the floor. Ario initially thought she had just gotten in on her hands, but when she started walking around in her feety pajamas, he noticed a trail of shit-prints. And the whole time, she was so damn happy! Dirty!

So I busted out my Costco-sized Clorox bleach and cleaned the floor. I opened the window because my eyes were starting to water, but atleast the floor was sterile. Then I threw out her pajamas, cleaned Avisa, washed the tub, took a shower, and thought it was a done deal.

Nope.

Twenty minutes later, Avisa runs toward Ario, arms outstretched, and Ario says "I think she pooped, I smell crap." But no poopie in the diaper. So we sniff her body...turns out it's her HANDS. So I wash them, dry them, clip her nails, wash them again, wash them AGAIN (with scented Bath and Body Works soap)...still has the smell of shit. The poo had definitely seeped into her pores and was lurking somewhere beneath her epidermis. Finally, I got out my foot scrub, scrubbed her little hands and at last, my little girl no longer smelled like shit.

One would think that would be the end of Avisa and bathroom stories.

But...Nope.

So we're at a friend's house a few nights later and the kids are playing and Avisa is just walking around. About 5 minutes pass, and I ask Ario where Avisa is. He doesn't see her. So I just start looking...basement door: closed. Stairway: gate closed. Family room, dining room, living room, foyer, kitchen...all empty. Bathroom door: closed. So I go back and I say "Dude, seriously, where'd she go?" And then for whatever reason, it dawns on me to check the bathroom. Even though the door was closed.

And there she was, happy as a clam, elbow deep in the toilet, splashing water around like she was on some ride at Magic effin' Mountain. Did I already mention she's a dirty, dirty girl?

I'm not sure if it's the fact the she loves the toilet that bothers me...or the fact that she's so damn happy playing with shit-related things. Ario better step up his daddy game and keep her off the damn pole.

Woohoo! HEAT WAVE!

Thursday was by far the most beautiful day we've had in a long, long while. It was also Avisa's birthday. I'm not saying that had anything to do with the weather, but what are the chances, seriously? Actually, every birthday for the kids has been beautiful, weather wise. Artin's July birthdays have the potential to be plagued by thunderstorms and rain (which would suck since every year his birthday has been outside, the past two with the huge waterslide!); Niek's October birthday is really a hit-or-miss. It could be cold, it could be hot, nobody can venture a guess. This past year it was a perfect 65 while the kids jumped around in the bounce house, then warmed up to a high of 80! Lucky I tell ya.

So I took the kids to the playground and decided to put to use the first photography rule I learned: Never center your subject. Centering makes the picture plain and boring. It works! Even ordinary pictures look pretty cool when you mess with angle a little. Here are a few more:







I used my own point-and-shoot camera. I'll start using Ario's nice camera once I figure out the angles, ISO...all that stuff. Next after: learning to photoshop pictures. I don't mean taking out my pimples or anything. Just adjusting color levels, contrast etc, to give them more artsyfartsy looks.

Funny Kid Quotes

After I yelled at the kids to go to bed after 45 minutes of them screwin' around (it was already 10:30...)
Artin: Mommy, have you noticed how nothing in my life is fair??
Me: Like what sweetie?
Artin: There's so many things, I can't even think of them!


Niek, after eating some fries: Friend fries are our friends because they're friendly fries.
Me: (laughing) No silly, they're called frenCH fries.
Niek: No, they are my friends. They're friend fries.
(I won't worry about the potential problem of my kid befriending a root vegetable for now).

I have no money! Move, I can't see my cable TV.

I'm annoyed. I have a patient who has Medicaid, but in order for him to be eligible each month, he has to pay $45. Once he pays that $45, he will get to have any dental service free. Cleanings, x-rays, dentures, fillings, extractions...whatever. Free. So this guy needs some bone removed from his upper jaw before he can get dentures, but he tells me he doesn't have enough money to meet his spend-down (the $45). I felt so bad for the guy, I almost (that's almost) offered to pay his $45 so he could get his treatment done.

That is, until he starts to elaborate. He gets 600-something a month in social security. Then there's rent (fair), electric bills (fair), phone (fair), food (fair), cable (record scratch). Hold up. What? Cable costs around $50 a month! You're telling me you're willing to spend almost 10% of your total income on a luxury??

So it got me thinking. Why do so many people think cable TV (among other luxuries) is a necessity? He's not the first person I've come across who says that. I've known others who make minimum wage and have a 70" plasma TV in their living room. And I remember a patient who was on welfare, came in for her exam and filling, got it all covered by Medicaid, and then drove off in her Mercedes. What. The. Fuck.

I'm a fan of universal health care. I truly believe getting the medical attention you need is indeed a necessity. But I'm wondering how it would work in a country where most people live way beyond their means and essentially have no savings. Hey, take it out my taxes if it means the guy down the street can have insurance. But I'll be damned if he lives in a bigger house, drives a nicer car, and takes more vacations than me. That ain't right!

pet names

there are so many great songs out there. i think more people should use them as an inspiration to naming their pets. stupid pet names are so boring. just because a dog is white doesn't mean you should name it "snow." and not all black dogs should be destined to "shadow." i personally have planned out names for the animals i will adopt as soon as we have space for them. niek's kitten will be named freddie (due to his love of all queen songs). and if we get the dogs i want (a yellow lab mix and a white dog) i will name them colonel mustard and mrs. white because i am awesome at the game clue and whoever has played with me can vouch for that. also, if they ever call out the dogs' names, they will be forced to remember that i have probably dominated them at the game.

other possible names for my two future doggies: sgt. pepper and lucy. this will serve two purposes. first of all, they are kick ass homages to two awesome songs. but more importantly, they will serve as filters for friends. if someone has the audacity to ask why sgt. pepper, or wonders why lucy, i can rest assured that we will never be friends and proceed to swiftly kick them in the face. done and done!

i love goo.

world of goo that is. and i want to meet the creators of it and tell them they are my hero (collectively) because they are quite witty, and probably super-nerdy. and i love me some witty, nerdy folk.

if you haven't played world of goo, you should. i don't think I can do it justice by trying to explain it here, but very simply it's a game of physics where you make certain shapes with your "goo" balls. i'm in the middle of game so i don't quite know how it's supposed to end but no joke, this game is awesome. amazing. stunning. brilliant. in fact, it's so brilliant that it's simple enough that my five-year old can do it, yet thought-provoking enough to keep me and my husband intriuged. yes, i just called a video game thought-provoking. it's *that* good. watch a trailer of it here. then download it, play it, love it, be it. goo.