yeah, dingleberries.
after artin had done his bid'ness in the bathroom, he decided to tell me all about it.*
artin: mommy i had so much poop! and one of them was like a vine!
me: what do you mean it was like a vine?
artin: it was hanging and wouldn't fall down from my butt!! i had to shake my butt for it to
fall off.
me: (laughing my ass off. can you blame me?) ohhh. that's called a dingleberry.
artin: a dingleberry?
me: yes, when a poop hangs on to your butt, the poop is called a dingleberry.
artin: dingleberry. well! i've had millions of those.
you're welcome.
*i was getting the boys ready for a bath, so we were in a bathroom, so bathroom talk was totally appropriate! we haven't gotten to talking about poo at dinner....yet.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
my own gift wrap :)
do you ever do something without planning, and wonder how you got to do it in the first place? i'm not talking about life-changing events here, i'm talking about gift wrap.
i bought a baby gift and part of the gift was a pair of white canvas shoes that had daisies on it. my thought was to buy wrapping paper that had the daisies, or just the colors that were on the shoe, and use the shoe in the wrapping. (look below, you'll see what i'm talking about)...
well i couldn't find any wrapping paper that i liked, so one night i was coloring with the kids and before i knew it, i was making my very own wrapping paper. i realized how seriously i took it when i spent more time on it long after the kids had gone to bed. let me tell you how frustrating it is to find a color marker you like only to have the marker be all dried up because some punk kid forgot to put the top on. i'm buying my own art stuff and SO not sharing!
coloring is therapy for me. i am in no way an artist, so i think just the mindlessness of doodling flowers and drawing random stuff, without any expectation of what it will look like--or what it should look like--really eases my mind. so here is my little creation (and the shoe that inspired it all!) you get to see all angles, because damn it all, i'm proud. it sort of reminds me of that first piece of pottery every parent gets from their kid, the deformed piece of shit that's supposed to be a vase, but looks more like an alien blob with a hole in the bottom. they keep it and are so proud, but you KNOW it's the sentiment and not the product. whatever people, it's my sentiment dammit.
i bought a baby gift and part of the gift was a pair of white canvas shoes that had daisies on it. my thought was to buy wrapping paper that had the daisies, or just the colors that were on the shoe, and use the shoe in the wrapping. (look below, you'll see what i'm talking about)...
well i couldn't find any wrapping paper that i liked, so one night i was coloring with the kids and before i knew it, i was making my very own wrapping paper. i realized how seriously i took it when i spent more time on it long after the kids had gone to bed. let me tell you how frustrating it is to find a color marker you like only to have the marker be all dried up because some punk kid forgot to put the top on. i'm buying my own art stuff and SO not sharing!
coloring is therapy for me. i am in no way an artist, so i think just the mindlessness of doodling flowers and drawing random stuff, without any expectation of what it will look like--or what it should look like--really eases my mind. so here is my little creation (and the shoe that inspired it all!) you get to see all angles, because damn it all, i'm proud. it sort of reminds me of that first piece of pottery every parent gets from their kid, the deformed piece of shit that's supposed to be a vase, but looks more like an alien blob with a hole in the bottom. they keep it and are so proud, but you KNOW it's the sentiment and not the product. whatever people, it's my sentiment dammit.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
the last bit of baby, captured forever
i love when kids say a word all wrong--it's so damn cute. niek has lately been very much into calling everything "disgusting," except he says "gusgusting" very dramatically. avisa was playing in the dirt and getting her feet dirty and niek said "EWWWWWWW THAT'S GUSGUSTING!"
and artin calls an ambulance "ambliance." it's hilarious, especially if you imagine a very serious little boy saying it.
but my favorite by far is artin saying "galapsy." as in...super mario galapsy. we've managed to capture that just in time. artin started saying it correctly after a friend at school told him it was gal-ICK-sy. NOT gal-UP-sy.
the rest of the picture is all kinds of lines and circles depicting the many galapsies, but here you see mario and the princess (illustrated by the sparklies) chillin' on the home galapsy. deep man, deep.
and artin calls an ambulance "ambliance." it's hilarious, especially if you imagine a very serious little boy saying it.
but my favorite by far is artin saying "galapsy." as in...super mario galapsy. we've managed to capture that just in time. artin started saying it correctly after a friend at school told him it was gal-ICK-sy. NOT gal-UP-sy.
the rest of the picture is all kinds of lines and circles depicting the many galapsies, but here you see mario and the princess (illustrated by the sparklies) chillin' on the home galapsy. deep man, deep.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
when shit storms brew...
getting from cincinnati to kansas city typically lasts about 1 hour, 10 minutes if you fly direct with delta. since delta's fees no longer rip a new asshole for the purchaser, i bought a ticket for aida's graduation (which was on sat 5/16) to leave friday and get in around 3:30 pm. i was pretty excited to have a day out and about with my sister and my mom--which is why i should've known it would not be*.
about 45 minutes into the flight, the captain comes on and says that because of a massive storm in kansas city, we have to reroute to st. louis so that we can refuel (since the plane doesn't have enough fuel capacity to ride out the storm). no biggie, one would normally think. but at that instant i just knew. i pushed aside the thought as me being paranoid, but it turned out to be yet another lesson learned in "Trusting Your Gut 101" because here's what happened next, as typed up in my little phone while we were waiting.
-wow these delta biscuit cookies are so good. www.biscoff.com
-rerouted to st. louis instead of my direct flight to kc
-flight attendant a bitch. then she said she hadn't had breakfast or lunch. no wonder. she should eat a biscuit.
-don't want to miss aida's graduation..will rent a car and drive if i have to
-small airplanes suck
-thank god for cell phones and internet access
-thinking of buying a strong drink
-will attempt making a respectable dent in infinite jest
-reading IJ**. have to read slowly, every word has to sink in or else i miss a point. tedious but it's a great book.
-waiting to fuel up still. we need gas money!!! hahahaha!!! delta doesn't know how to pay for it. recession much?
-note to self: never change avisa's crappy diaper on a plane. the small space amplifies the smell by a magnitude of infinity
-okay great, now the toilet's overflowing. they're calling in a hazmat team
-two hazmat guys got on the plane. they came in with large trash bags and 'brawny industrial strength'
-good chance i'll be stuck in stl if we don't go soon...seems like the storm is moving this way. it'll either meet us here or midair.
-the lady in front me speaks too dramatically--too much emphasis on each syllable, eyebrows raised in overexpression. annoying.
-NOW they're letting people off the airplane, which actually sucks because it means we're here for a while. apparently shit water on an airplane qualifies as hazardous to health and now the plane is considered unsafe until inspection. fuuuuuck.
-renting a car to drive to kansas city. $200 one way!! aw hell.
-sitting on the shuttle to the car rental place. i'm carpooling with two other people. one of which is the annoying facial expression lady and some guy who is hopefully not a serial killer***.
and that was the end of my notes. so yeah, i ended up driving to kansas city in a rental care with two complete strangers (three if you count the 8-year old boy the annoying lady had with her). it was a surprisingly fun drive, chatted most of the way. when i called alamo and got the $200 quote, i saw the lady and asked if she wanted to carpool, since her destination was kansas city as well. she agreed, and while we were in line to pay for the rental, there was a guy in front of us who was also renting to st. louis. i asked him if he was a serial killer (i know, i know) and he said no. i got no creepy vibes at all, so i decided that since my stomach wasn't twisting, and because i approached him to share a ride and not vice versa, he should, if anything, be afraid of me. turns out i'm not as scary as i thought and he agreed. $200 down to $65. i basically valued my life at $135. not too shabby!
but anyway, i finally arrived in kansas city and the rest of the weekend was absolutely perfect. yay!
*whenever i get excited about something, it ends up not working out in some way. if i plan something way too far in advance and start hyping it up in my head, invariably it will always fall through. so i try not to get too excited. for example--i'm trying very hard not to be too excited about our trip to california in a few weeks. otherwise--who knows what will happen.
**infinite jest
***he turned out to be a delta airlines pilot. a whole other kinda crazy.
about 45 minutes into the flight, the captain comes on and says that because of a massive storm in kansas city, we have to reroute to st. louis so that we can refuel (since the plane doesn't have enough fuel capacity to ride out the storm). no biggie, one would normally think. but at that instant i just knew. i pushed aside the thought as me being paranoid, but it turned out to be yet another lesson learned in "Trusting Your Gut 101" because here's what happened next, as typed up in my little phone while we were waiting.
-wow these delta biscuit cookies are so good. www.biscoff.com
-rerouted to st. louis instead of my direct flight to kc
-flight attendant a bitch. then she said she hadn't had breakfast or lunch. no wonder. she should eat a biscuit.
-don't want to miss aida's graduation..will rent a car and drive if i have to
-small airplanes suck
-thank god for cell phones and internet access
-thinking of buying a strong drink
-will attempt making a respectable dent in infinite jest
-reading IJ**. have to read slowly, every word has to sink in or else i miss a point. tedious but it's a great book.
-waiting to fuel up still. we need gas money!!! hahahaha!!! delta doesn't know how to pay for it. recession much?
-note to self: never change avisa's crappy diaper on a plane. the small space amplifies the smell by a magnitude of infinity
-okay great, now the toilet's overflowing. they're calling in a hazmat team
-two hazmat guys got on the plane. they came in with large trash bags and 'brawny industrial strength'
-good chance i'll be stuck in stl if we don't go soon...seems like the storm is moving this way. it'll either meet us here or midair.
-the lady in front me speaks too dramatically--too much emphasis on each syllable, eyebrows raised in overexpression. annoying.
-NOW they're letting people off the airplane, which actually sucks because it means we're here for a while. apparently shit water on an airplane qualifies as hazardous to health and now the plane is considered unsafe until inspection. fuuuuuck.
-renting a car to drive to kansas city. $200 one way!! aw hell.
-sitting on the shuttle to the car rental place. i'm carpooling with two other people. one of which is the annoying facial expression lady and some guy who is hopefully not a serial killer***.
and that was the end of my notes. so yeah, i ended up driving to kansas city in a rental care with two complete strangers (three if you count the 8-year old boy the annoying lady had with her). it was a surprisingly fun drive, chatted most of the way. when i called alamo and got the $200 quote, i saw the lady and asked if she wanted to carpool, since her destination was kansas city as well. she agreed, and while we were in line to pay for the rental, there was a guy in front of us who was also renting to st. louis. i asked him if he was a serial killer (i know, i know) and he said no. i got no creepy vibes at all, so i decided that since my stomach wasn't twisting, and because i approached him to share a ride and not vice versa, he should, if anything, be afraid of me. turns out i'm not as scary as i thought and he agreed. $200 down to $65. i basically valued my life at $135. not too shabby!
but anyway, i finally arrived in kansas city and the rest of the weekend was absolutely perfect. yay!
*whenever i get excited about something, it ends up not working out in some way. if i plan something way too far in advance and start hyping it up in my head, invariably it will always fall through. so i try not to get too excited. for example--i'm trying very hard not to be too excited about our trip to california in a few weeks. otherwise--who knows what will happen.
**infinite jest
***he turned out to be a delta airlines pilot. a whole other kinda crazy.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
strawberry spinach salad
-spinach
-strawberries
-blueberries
-caramelized almonds
-sesame seeds
-olive oil/balsamic vinegar/worcestershire sauce/paprika/sugar dressing
sooooo good.
Friday, May 8, 2009
a whole crapload of avisa pics
and a few of the boys. we tried to get pictures of the three of them, but as you can see, avisa is a fart who wouldn't hold still. most of the photos are of either niek or artin trying to hold her still. apparently she doesn't "do" group shots.
so the boys said screw you lil' sis.
she didn't mind posing for the singles though! diva.
she almost looks sweet in that last one. almost.
so the boys said screw you lil' sis.
she didn't mind posing for the singles though! diva.
she almost looks sweet in that last one. almost.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
walking pig
among the minimal perks of cincinnati is the annual cincinnati flying pig marathon. don't ask me why it's called the flying pig because i don't know. it could be because we've got a few porkers here, thanks to unlimited cincy style chili*, fast foods every .03 miles, the fact that's 80% of the time it's either too hot or too cold to actually go outside--OR, it could be because the very first case of swine flu was found here in 1959**.
so. i decided as a kickstart to training for my marathon in october (which you will be forced to read many, many posts about--unless i don't hit the publish button. but i will be writing about it a lot. because i'm stoked), i would maybe attempt walking the half marathon with a friend. it wasn't easy convincing tiffany that we should do a half marathon (walking or not) without any training whatsoever, but in the end i succeeded. the texts went something like this:
Me: i have the BEST idea! let's do the flying pig half marathon. we can walk/jog it. What do you say?? :D
Tiffany: i'm scared! i've never done a marathon! when is it?
Me: Um in 2 weeks. It's a half, not a full. Do it do it do it.
Tiffany: i looked it up it's in 15 days 20 h 57 m &43 s
Me: yeah. so even more than 2 weeks away.
Tiffany: i don't think i could do it! i am so out of shape! is there another one that's later in the year?
Me: Not around here! Come onnnnnnn you're in shape! i have seen and touched your butt. Trust.
Me: Besides i am waaaay more out of shape. The most exercise I've gotten is clicking on facebook quizzes. You do karate!
Me: AND it can be like a kick start for serious working out!
Me: AND you'll get a medal!
Tiffany: Are you sure you're not in sales?!
and so it went. we went to the expo on saturday, picked up our race packets, got some free stuff (smucker's jelly in cute little containers! clappers shaped like a pig--which the kids have been using nonstop since. yay for headaches! duffel bags!) basically we tried to get our registration fee's worth in free shit. maybe if we melt the medal we got...
or not. i have to admit, it's pretty sweet that i get to have a medal with swine ass on it. talk about FAT-BOTTOMED BLOG CONTINUITY!
so it took us a little less than 3-1/2 hours, which yeah, is a long time for a half marathon, but actually pretty kickass for walking it. we were proud of ourselves! and after the finish line, we got bananas, bagels, chips, hohos...again, trying to get our money's worth dammit!
so check out these awesome photos from the finish line.
man drops something. looks like the pig-shaped clapper i mentioned earlier:
and the lady's all...i'll get it for you, i'm nice. lemme just go back and...
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
and the guys all thanks lady. you just ruined my photo finish. now i'm going to have a picture with your ass sticking out. stupid bitch.
yes my hair is big. it was rainy and very humid, wtf am i supposed to do? but more importantly, note the cheez-its i have my kung fu grip on. and i had already stuffed my face with a bagel and banana. AND i also had hohos in my other hand. i know i already mentioned the food at the end, but come on, it was good!! totally worth the 13.1 miles.
so now i'm ready to start the training before the training, which basically entails building up to comfortably running 25-30 miles a week. after that, i have to start doing one long run a week, work up to 20-22 miles a month before the marathon, then cut back the few weeks before the big day. which is october 18. oh, and the weekend after? u2 concert. oh yeah.
*it's pretty gross. secret ingredient is chocolate, and it still manages to taste like ass.
**a total lie.
so. i decided as a kickstart to training for my marathon in october (which you will be forced to read many, many posts about--unless i don't hit the publish button. but i will be writing about it a lot. because i'm stoked), i would maybe attempt walking the half marathon with a friend. it wasn't easy convincing tiffany that we should do a half marathon (walking or not) without any training whatsoever, but in the end i succeeded. the texts went something like this:
Me: i have the BEST idea! let's do the flying pig half marathon. we can walk/jog it. What do you say?? :D
Tiffany: i'm scared! i've never done a marathon! when is it?
Me: Um in 2 weeks. It's a half, not a full. Do it do it do it.
Tiffany: i looked it up it's in 15 days 20 h 57 m &43 s
Me: yeah. so even more than 2 weeks away.
Tiffany: i don't think i could do it! i am so out of shape! is there another one that's later in the year?
Me: Not around here! Come onnnnnnn you're in shape! i have seen and touched your butt. Trust.
Me: Besides i am waaaay more out of shape. The most exercise I've gotten is clicking on facebook quizzes. You do karate!
Me: AND it can be like a kick start for serious working out!
Me: AND you'll get a medal!
Tiffany: Are you sure you're not in sales?!
and so it went. we went to the expo on saturday, picked up our race packets, got some free stuff (smucker's jelly in cute little containers! clappers shaped like a pig--which the kids have been using nonstop since. yay for headaches! duffel bags!) basically we tried to get our registration fee's worth in free shit. maybe if we melt the medal we got...
or not. i have to admit, it's pretty sweet that i get to have a medal with swine ass on it. talk about FAT-BOTTOMED BLOG CONTINUITY!
so it took us a little less than 3-1/2 hours, which yeah, is a long time for a half marathon, but actually pretty kickass for walking it. we were proud of ourselves! and after the finish line, we got bananas, bagels, chips, hohos...again, trying to get our money's worth dammit!
so check out these awesome photos from the finish line.
man drops something. looks like the pig-shaped clapper i mentioned earlier:
and the lady's all...i'll get it for you, i'm nice. lemme just go back and...
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
and the guys all thanks lady. you just ruined my photo finish. now i'm going to have a picture with your ass sticking out. stupid bitch.
yes my hair is big. it was rainy and very humid, wtf am i supposed to do? but more importantly, note the cheez-its i have my kung fu grip on. and i had already stuffed my face with a bagel and banana. AND i also had hohos in my other hand. i know i already mentioned the food at the end, but come on, it was good!! totally worth the 13.1 miles.
so now i'm ready to start the training before the training, which basically entails building up to comfortably running 25-30 miles a week. after that, i have to start doing one long run a week, work up to 20-22 miles a month before the marathon, then cut back the few weeks before the big day. which is october 18. oh, and the weekend after? u2 concert. oh yeah.
*it's pretty gross. secret ingredient is chocolate, and it still manages to taste like ass.
**a total lie.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
old lady and her skateboard
in an effort to remain relevant and prolong the inevitable*, i've decided to take up skateboarding. i'm trying to teach myself, and by "teach myself" i mean roll back and forth on the driveway and avoid a faceplant by skating over a twig, which i already failed at. and by failed at, i mean i skated over a 2 mm twig and fell. on my face. and hands and knees. how does one manage to fall on one's face AND hands and knees? sheer talent. try it. i bet you can't fall on all three at the same time. but i did. and it freakin' hurt! being the trooper that i am however, i decided to keep trying. i can now sort of turn the board. before you know it, i'll be heading over to the skate park down the street and asking the 8-year olds how to ollie. (ario asked me if i wanted him to bring me my rollerblades. oh the love).
i know i have shitty ass form, but that's mostly because i don't care about form. my main concern is to prevent my head from busting open, which for my clumsy, uncoordinated ass, is a pretty lofty goal. no where to go but up!
oh, and see that little rc car? it rocks. and it's fast! that's all.
*you know, getting older and shit**
**pardon all the footnotes. i'm reading infinite jest and it has A LOT of footnotes.
i know i have shitty ass form, but that's mostly because i don't care about form. my main concern is to prevent my head from busting open, which for my clumsy, uncoordinated ass, is a pretty lofty goal. no where to go but up!
oh, and see that little rc car? it rocks. and it's fast! that's all.
*you know, getting older and shit**
**pardon all the footnotes. i'm reading infinite jest and it has A LOT of footnotes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
